Heart Break and Wisdom!

As my children have grown, I've come to realize just how different, but special, they each are.  Bailee in particular makes me ponder sometimes.  She looks like I did at her age but I had dark hair and maybe not so many freckles.  She does her own thing like I did when I was younger and like I do now - going along not really worrying about anyone else necessarily.  She can be an introvert and so can I - hard to believe, I know:-)  If Cassie is not around, she reads and does quiet things - I even have to go find her to ask "Where are you?" and "What are you doing?".  I love being alone too!

But she broke my heart (almost) about a month ago.  We were home alone - I guess Cassie was spending the night with someone else or at practice.  She said, "Mama, I'm weird".  Of course, I said "No you're not!".  She replied, "Yes, I am.  My friends tell me that all the time."  I replied, "well, they don't know what they're talking about and they are just being mean."  I was really worried about her self-esteem but she wasn't crying as Cassie would have been.  She sat there a few moments and then said  "It's okay because I like being weird.  It means I'm not like everybody else and I REALLY, REALLY, like me.  Besides, you and Daddy love me and God loves me too."  Kinda reminded me of that book by Jamie Lee Curtis, "I'm Gonna Like Me".  I still felt bad that she feels like her friends think she's weird, but I also felt relieved and proud because it was a very mature attitude about it. 

Then, I pondered some on our converstation.............things happen when you ponder, you know?    Sometimes bad things and sometimes good things.  I think I pondered on both that day.

First the bad things - As a youth, I always felt left out and different because I had thick glasses (didn't feel pretty EVER), I was the smartest kid in my class, I had fair skin and freckles, and in middle school I had a full METAL MOUTH.  I was called Four Eyes, Brain, Whitie, you name it and it hurt!  I loved being smart but I hated the way I felt around most of my classmates.  I never liked being different - maybe I didn't have as much support as Bailee does to make me feel better about myself.  Nothing against my parents but serious conversations just didn't occur in our house - not those thought-provoking, self-analyzing discussions that I have those with my girls.

Bailee has good self-esteem so she's one up on me at her age. However she doesn't have really close friends.  She has friends but not CLOSE friends like her sister does.  She and one friend call themselves BFFs - but they aren't constantly together all the time and they are different in so many ways.  Sometimes it bothers her that Cassie always gets invited to spend the night - almost every weekend - and she doesn't.  She is well behaved but maybe other girls don't like her as much as other friends because she is "different".  Other times, she is very much a homebody, always has been. 

The good things I pondered on, you ask?  She is very smart (book-wise and social-wise).  However, she is WISE - so very wise beyond her years, she shocks me a lot of the time.  She will spontaneously will ask me very thought-provoking questions or make a comment - things that make ME think !!  And I think a lot!  She watches people and makes observations that most children do not.  I even wonder if her brain sleeps because she has asked me questions at 6:15 a.m. in the morning.  She has big dreams for big things - things like being the one to cure cancer - those kind of things.

Then I realized one thing about Bailee that so many people struggle with their entire life.  SHE LIKES HERSELF!  And she knows that her parents love her and GOD loves her.  My heart sings because of it :-)